Last week, Harrison Butker, kicker for the Kansas City Chiefs, got into hot water for stating that women in the graduating class at Benedictine College were probably “most excited” about getting married and having kids, not going out to work and climbing the corporate ladder.
Predictably, commentators in the mainstream media went after Butker for encouraging women to forgo paid work and become homemakers. Predictably also, social conservatives defended Butker for having the courage to say what they consider to be God’s truth — that for women, caring for family will ultimately be more fulfilling than work.
Lost in the back-and-forth that convinced nobody was an opportunity to have a real discussion about the dichotomy between work and family – a dichotomy that isn’t helping today’s women, and especially not today’s stay-at-home mothers. To the contrary, today’s homemakers would be better served by having their homemaking recognized for what it really is: real work that deserves real pay.
Though our society likes to pretend otherwise, changing diapers and doing dishes, cleaning the kitchen and coordinating carpool is real work. It’s work that has significant economic value in an of itself. But even more important, it’s work that allows the stay-at-home mother’s husband to go out and earn an income, all while getting the kind of family and homelife that he desires.
By going out to Costco and by doing the laundry, by taking the kids to the pediatrician and by reviewing homework – by doing everything that she does each and every day in the house – the stay-at-home mother gives her spouse the time and energy to focus on his career and achieve professional success outside of it. As Butker himself admitted:
I’m beyond blessed with the many talents God has given me. But it cannot be overstated, that all of my success is made possible because a girl I met in band class back in middle school would convert to the faith, become my wife and embrace one of the most important titles of all: homemaker.
As a long time stay-at-home mother myself, the implications of Butker’s comments about his own wife are clear: Because a homemaker’s work gives her husband the time and energy he needs to advance and succeed at work, that homemaker is a partner with her husband, not just in building a family, but also in generating income for their household. And because she is a partner in generating income, she ought to be entitled to claim a piece of her husband’s paycheck as earned income of her own. She ought to be entitled to claim, not that she gave up work, but that her family is her work. What’s more, she ought to be entitled to all the benefits that flow from that claim –from full access to tax-saving retirement vehicles to the social dignity and respect that we afford those who work for pay but that we continue to deny to those who are “just wives and mothers.”
In the wake of Butker’s commencement address, many wondered why a famous football star would use his public platform to turn back the clock on women’s equality. The better question is why, in 2024, the rest of us continue to cling to old ideas about family and work that disadvantage homemaking women.